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wankbankofamerica:

reasons i tend to not talk

  • people always interrupt me to tell another story because apparently my story isn’t good enough for their ears
  • i sound like an idiot who just learned to talk two hours ago
  • people seem disinterested in what i’m saying
  • i hate my voice
  • i have something really mean to say
  • i hate you
  • i repeat because this happens a lot: people interrupt me and never let me finish and i feel really shitty about myself because no one seems to want to listen to me

LESSONS YOU CAN LEARN FROM MUSICALS

  • Les Miserables:

    Stealing a loaf of bread may seem like a good idea, but it will literally fuck up your entire life.

  • Spring Awakening:

    If you get laid, you die. If you don't get laid, you die. Also don't trust your parents.

  • Chicago:

    It's ok to murder people as long as you wear lingerie and can sing and dance.

  • The King and I:

    Racism doesn't count if you sing about it.

  • My Fair Lady:

    People will like you if you talk like you have a broom stick up your ass.

  • Hairspray:

    In the 60s, people will hate you if you're overweight, UNLESS you also hang out with black people.

  • RENT:

    AIDS really blows.

  • A Chorus Line:

    If you ever audition for a musical chorus, you better have a goddamn good story as to why you became a dancer.

  • Grease:

    If your boyfriend doesn't like you, change absolutely everything about yourself to please him.

  • The Phantom of the Opera:

    When choosing between a controlling boyfriend and a sociopath composer with a messed up face who dwells in an opera house's basement, take your sweet damn time.

  • Rocky Horror Picture Show:

    Finding refuge from a storm in a mansion who's owner is a transvestite will make you inexplicably horny, and seemingly bisexual.

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